Learning Lessons

So this past Sunday I received an e-mail from my photography instructor. She said she needed to speak with me.

I was scared.

She never told me what it was about, so of course I imagined the worst possible scenarios.
(i'd rather be prepared for the worst so if it happens, it's not a shock)

We scheduled our appointment for friday.

Yes, nearly a week of not knowing. I don't know how I made it through.

Anyway, when I finally met her, it was as I imagined.

Only, more shocking.

More than one member from my crew had complained I was bossy and pushy during our "shoots."
(we've only done practice ones with each other so far, so i don't count them as real yet)

And even one person from another group had told her the same thing.

While this may seem as very ordinary in the sense that there are many people in this world who are this personality, I am not one of them.

On the contrary, I am reserved and avoid drama.

So, I have been careful about not telling people what do when it is not my turn to shoot.

This italized part is important.

When I am not shooting, I am an assistant.

I shut my brain off and do as I'm told or as is needed.

When I'm shooting, you bet your rear I'm telling you what to do.

As photographer, that's my right.

If I need something done, that's what an assistant is for.
(And they know this too. It's part of the real world lessons our instructor teaches.)

Now I also want to clarify that I'm not disrespectful.

I don't mistreat my crew members!

So I am very confused as to what they are referring to.

Even more so because some of the things I was told about, those same people told me the opposite.

Some people who said I was telling them what to do, told me that I was helpful or had asked my opinion.

Not to mention the fact that everyone in my group has been very friendly with me. I haven't once picked up negative vibes.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ???

I just don't know what is going on.

I know I have been careful to make sure I wasn't telling people what to do.

But if I saw a fellow crew member struggling I would speak up and offer a suggestion.

If I was asked, I spoke.

If I wasn't, I asked for permission.

I know sometimes I can say things and they sound completely wrong from what I intended it to be.

Maybe that's my problem.

-----------------------------

Tomorrow is our first photo shoot with actual clients so I'm very glad my instructor decided not to keep brushing the students off as having a personality clash with me
(to further illustrate my side, she had ignored the first two complaints as such, as she couldn't believe I would actually be behaving in such a manner, but when the third person spoke she thought maybe I wasn't aware or maybe it was possible it was happening)

But back to the point, I am glad I am aware so I can be even more aware tomorrow.

It was never my intention to be bossy or come off bossy.

I'm sorry if I was misunderstood.

Tomorrow I will keep completely to myself and I will kill with kindness.
(not literally of course)

It's the only way I know how to handle this.

*Sigh*

So, I have to ask, what do you think about this situation? How would you handle it?

I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling lost and confused.

{LPS}